Dec. 31st. 1:30 am
so, as i sit here in my good friends' apt with a couple other good friends (note that none of us present are the lessees of this apartment; they are all home) in BG, it occurred to me that I won't have much time to write a post about how this year went tomorrow. since I've the time now, here we go.
in the past, I've gone month by month, or kind of highlighted major events, but this time, i can clearly divide 2012 into 3 major sections: January to May, the Summer months, and then August to December.
January through May, or, we could say, the beginning of the end. Of course, i'm thinking in terms of employment. For those of you who don't know, I served the last two academic years as a campus missionary at a university parish. I was hired on after I graduated and loved every minute of it. Going into the post, I knew that it would only last two years maximum. So, when January 2012 rolled around, I set myself to the arduous task that would really challenge me on many levels. Not many opportunities were readily available right away, but as the next few month rolled by, I had applied for several really great jobs. the "Search" kept me hopeful as I read each new job description, imagining myself fulfilling the various roles each one set forth. After a few phone interviews and a couple of "you're really close", I began to realize that finding a job, continuing on in campus ministry full time, was going to be a lot more difficult than simply applying, interviewing, and accepting an (assumed) offer. these few months were certainly humbling, to say the least. Still, I was not discouraged from continuing to do my best as a missionary and end the school year with a success! By the time May came around, the kids went home and I took the last couple weeks of employment easy.
Enter the Summer months, or, unfortunately considerable, the season of unemployment. I moved back to Cincinnati for the summer and, even though i continued to apply for various jobs, both full time ministry and part time for the summer and beyond, I was still not hired anywhere. My dad suggested that I start collecting unemployment, assuming I qualified. My older brother, who had just been let go from a certain burrito joint, was also collecting, so one can see why my dad might make that suggestion for me as well. Part of the way it works is that the unemployed person making claims must apply for at least two jobs each week. After each passing week of either no communication from potential employers or, even worse, outright rejection, depression settled in. Just thinking about it brings back the angst...
In addition to depression, I can say now with clarity that I was also regressing to a certain extent, as I was spending money I shouldn't have on childish things, like videogames and Legos. mind you, I've always tried to hold onto a childlike innocence and faith, and sometimes the aforementioned activities for me can be a healthy diversion. However, I'm not sure if that was the case. Fortunately, not all hope was lost, as seemingly from out of nowhere, I began a new chapter in my life.
On August 6th, I applied for graduate school at probably one of the most Catholic institutions in the country. Over the next couple of weeks, I worked with an amazing admissions director and was accepted, moving in on the 23rd. So began the last stage of 2012: the new beginning. Of course, i do see it as a logical step, as I did and still do desire to return to the college campus ministry field after earning my masters degree in theology. I assume that the main reason why I wasn't offered the positions for which I applied was want of a masters. What was I to do but go back to school?
My time so far at this fine university has been interesting to say the least. I continued to apply for jobs, part time, on and around campus, but to no avail. I simply stopped making unemployment claims in October, as by then, I'd say that I tapped the job market dry. There was literally no practical job for which I could apply. This didn't bother me too much, and I survived financially (though I'm going to be paying for it later...), but this allowed me to devote more time to school work... HA! I barely was able to say that without laughing. Really though, I put forth an adequate amount of effort this semester...and I earned straight As! I have a 4.0 GPA for the first time in my life!!!
While that's great news, I wish I could that other aspects of my life this past semester were as successful. At the start, I honestly decided not to get involved in any kind of active ministry. This was a mistake, and I see that now. I'm glad I had the break from it, but it's quite clear to me, and others with whom I've discussed this, that active ministry is simply a part of who I am and if I'm not doing it, I'm the one who suffers. Given that, I'm hopeful for next semester.
I'm not so much setting out resolutions this year, but here are a few things I'd like to change for next semester, somewhat in order of significance:
Spiritual direction. I had made arrangements with one of the friars earlier last semester for him to be a regular confessor when I needed it, but that's not quite what I need at this point. I know almost everyone at my school thinks they need a spiritual director, but i'd say that some of them probably don't....and I'm not among those who don't. I know exactly which friar I'd like to direct me, and I've already met with him a few times for specific reasons. He taught one of my classes last semester, so we've developed enough of a rapport that would make such an arrangement possible. Oh yeah, he lives right by me.
Counseling. Right away, understand that spiritual direction is NOT counseling. Spiritual direction is submitting myself under the guidance of one much wiser and hopefully holier than I in order to better understand how the Lord is speaking to me and what in fact He is saying. Counseling, on the other hand, deals with...I suppose everything else. Yet, since I'd be undertaking the counseling services that the school offers, it most certainly will be from a Catholic perspective. I can see how there could be some overlap, but I hope and trust that both of these two very important steps will help me become the best and fullest person I can be.
TANGENT! I'm not sure how much I've written about my personal struggles on this blog, though some of you reading who know me better might know of what I speak. I'll take this moment to try to make some sense of what the past year had brought in that regard, yet without divulging too much information to those of you reading who need not know. If this sparks an interest in you, a desire to help me become the man I'm made to be, feel free to message me privately or otherwise contact me discreetly.
At any rate, I admit that one of my major vices is not quite yet under control. In fact, some might say that it has gotten worse. What I can say is that I am currently in unexplored territory, personally, and I'm just not sure what all is in store for me. However, I believe that I'm proceeding with caution and that bottom line, I simply want to live in right relationship with the Lord and His Church, while at the same time being a positive example for some of the people that need Him the most in this world, in a way that is meaningful for them...
(okay back from tangent) Active ministry. I mentioned this before, but to be honest, I'm not sure what this practically looks like. After experiencing the campus and what it has to offer for a semester, which certainly doesn't exhaust its ministry opportunities, I'm surprisingly content with not involving myself in the liturgical ministry. Don't get me wrong, it's not because the school's liturgy is ripe with ignorances and misuses as there haven't been many, that I can see, anyway. It just seems to me that the current liturgical ministry is doing fine without me and, as much as I'd enjoy it, perhaps the Lord wants me to step out of my comfort zone and do homeless outreach or abortion outreach. regardless, if there is a ministry fair at the beginning of this semester like there was one last semester, I'll certainly be there.
On campus job. Honestly, this is a lower priority, though certainly still important. yet, related to the previous item, if there's another campus job fair in the first week or so of the semester, I'll be applying, with very low standards.
Households. This is a big one. I know I haven't given out many proper details in regards to my previous work experience, or where I currently attend school, but I will say that my school does have households, and they work a little bit differently than the way other campus ministries run them. just think of them like Catholic fraternities and sororities. Some do seem to be a bit more like that, while others seem more devout. To be completely honest, I was completely turned off to the idea right away. Yet, as the semester progressed, I felt the pain of loneliness due to a lack of authentic brotherhood, which was so richly present to me during my time as a missionary. I've looked into a few households and not many of them seemed too appealing. However, when one of my roommates told me that he was going to a founding member of a new household that has a very specific theme, I began to take the idea more seriously. When the semester starts up again, so will this new household. I hope to attend their events and commitments.
alright... well it's pretty late. this was a good first draft. If i have time tomorrow, I'll revise and post this bad boy, hopefully before the new year!
Jan 1, 2013. 5:30 pm.
i'm lazy. no editing! POST!
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